Stane, it’s been an honour
I walked into the ki aikido dojo (martial arts training place) that Stane Kirbiš led in Ljubljana, Slovenia, two years ago; not knowing anyone, and in a very difficult period in my life during which I forgot how to laugh.
Soon I realised that the dojo that Stane had created was a place of deep embodied joy – as well as unexpected learnings for life.
Here are some of the lessons that I learned from Stane. Conveyed in my own words, they probably reflect more of what I heard rather than what was exactly said. Written within days after his untimely death, I hope they carry Stane’s spirit that will keep feeding us all.
Whatever comes, meet it with openness and relaxedness
In my own simple interpretation, ki aikido is a practice of guiding the blow/attack received towards more harmony with each other and with Life.
I – the proverbial pre-preparer – initially met any aikido ‘attack’ with alertness, focus, and readiness to fight. Stane however immediately noticed the tiniest brow on my forehead, or the shoulders heightened in tension:
‘Marjeta: 22 hours a day, you can be stressed as much as you want. In these two hours here, you are invited to practice relaxedness and openness. Meet the ‘attacker’ with a smile. Be flexible, flowing, loving ... no matter what comes your way.’
The many ki aikido rolls that beginners first learn are meant to be massage for the body: fall gently; breath out as you go down; and bounce back with nimbleness and vitality.
Through the two years, I have been trying to remember all this not only in the training, but also when Life hits. If I’m open and relaxed, I can tap into much more capacity (in myself, my communities, the world) then if I’m constricted. I fall with grace, and bounce back with openness and curiosity.
A deep bow to you, Stane, for showcasing this. I loved seeing you smile when practicing – and when seeing us practice.
Expansion instead of contraction
One of the key practices in ki aikido are the so-called ‘ki tests’: a partner exerts pressure on specific parts of the body while the practitioner maintains a centred, outwardly static, pose.
The natural reaction of the practitioner who is being tested for centeredness might be resistance, and pressing back. What Stane told us was counter-intuitive, yet extremely powerful (for life, not just for the practice!): when under pressure, focus on expanding the entire body – not on the point of pressure. This gives you way more power.
A huge lesson for life: How can I expand not just my body, but also my perception, my compassion, my generosity in conflict? How can I tap into the bigger story that surrounds the petty attacks of Life? What options become possible?
Testing as test of the tester
When Stane casually said: ‘Testing the partner is more of the test of the tester – than the tested one’, my eyes – and options in life – opened wide. Yes, of course ... my whole being deeply resonated with this profound truth.
Stane went on: ‘Testing is about finding the sweet spots that supports the growth of the partner. It’s not about who is right or wrong; or better; or stronger. It’s about establishing the contact first: acknowledging and feeling the partner. When you exert pressure, it has to be pressure that helps them expand, not shrink.’
My ki aikido practice is yet again practice for life: for all the tests we go through; being either the testers or the tested ones. In schools, at work, in family settings.
Deep down, it’s all about the intention of the examiner. Do I intend to prove something, find fault, be the stronger one … or do I intend to support growth in a way that honours the learner?
Don’t listen to me – explore what works for you
Some martial arts clubs are led by guru-like teachers who promote formality, obedience, seriousness, and hierarchy.
Thankfully, ours wasn’t like that. Stane’s dojo was a place of welcome, ease, and joy. Very few formalities. Most importantly, Stane kept encouraging us to come to our own truths – not to blindly follow his teachings.
‘Whatever I say; I can be wrong, conceited, or prejudiced. Don’t trust what I say; try it on your own, and see what works.’
‘What is ki? This is for you to explore.’
It is rare, and precious, to come across a dojo leader as unpretentious as Stane was. Devoted to the practice; yet humble to the core. My hunch is that this is what aikido is all about.
Stane, it’s been an honour
Stane died within weeks after he was diagnosed with a terminal illness.
No matter who I might be training ki aikido with in future, Stane’s voice and wisdom will keep embracing whatever moves I might practise. It’s not about technical mastery – it’s about meeting Life with openness, relaxedness, joy, and love.
Stane, it’s been an honour meeting you. A deep deep bow.
Legends never die.
